Raindrops and Sunbeams

Whole Lotta Sunbeams Shining ….

Posted on: March 5, 2010

Oh, I was nervous….this chemo session was going to be different, and that threw me for a loop.

It all came out of a good thing – my blood counts were all up – meaning that I was healthier, and my body was now in better shape to tolerate the chemo drugs – so the doctor intended to increase the dosage. How much I didn’t know til I got there. I had no idea what that would do…would I react? Would it be somehow bad? Unknowns…..how I dislike unknowns….no control there! And, of course, there was the whole question of having yet another bad reaction to the Rituxan…..last time was so much less….and I was hoping that it would disappear entirely….but again – unknown.

So we arrived – armed with a good book, lots of snacks, and determination to see it through no matter what. They did the blood tests (as they do every time, just to be sure things are ok to proceed) – and they were, since they soon were setting up the IV. First change…the order of getting the drugs would be in reverse this time – chemo drugs first, then the Rituxan. Hmmm…. but ok…that was cool. Then I found out that the ‘increase’ was actually to be ‘nearly double’ what I had been receiving. More prayer. I had not had any adverse reaction to these drugs when I receive them, so there was NO reason to think that would change. Laid that down right at Jesus’ feet, to let Him carry me through it.

Time passed….reading….later some snacks….lots of water…..and absolutely NO bad reactions to the drugs. Thank you, God! Seemed like it went fast, even though there was more of it. Now….on to the Rituxan….got hooked up to the blood pressure machine…..as this is one of the first indications that a reaction is coming….blood pressure goes up…in a hurry. The nurse took the readings….85 over 56….ok – definitely NOT high. Then comes the waiting – back to the book, gonna concentrate on that – and so very glad it is a really good story that engages my attention. In the back of my mind was that 1 1/2 hour mark….that’s when it tried to go south last time. I think all of us were unconsciously counting the minutes. And the time came….and the blood pressure went up….128 over 76….high for me…but not bad. Praying again….I would get through this with His help – and the reassuring presence of my dear hubby. Breathing deep, I waited….no feeling of ‘can’t breathe’ – that’s GOOD! No cold sweat….another plus….and after about 10 minutes, it was like I’d passed a test, and the blood pressure started going down…..and down….til it was back to my normal! YESSSSS!! That counts as a “no bad reaction” in my book!!

The rest of the session went on as normal….more waiting, more reading….and then…finished!! A real triumph! High fives from the nurse, along with hugs – this was SUCH a good thing! And I did my own thanking – to Jesus, whose hand was on me, and all the prayers of my friends that surrounded me….that’s what got me through – not anything I did. What a lesson in trust! And I am learning it! In the midst of all this, so much to be thankful for! And now, I am halfway through – 3 down…..3 to go….filled with hope!

Lovin’ the light and warmth of all these sunbeams!

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2 Responses to "Whole Lotta Sunbeams Shining …."

Shadows

I saw the faucet dripping there,
water splashing through the air,
the grass all around grew so tall,
as the sun cast its shadow across the wall.

And as I studied how the droplets fell,
as if they were trying to drown out hell,
seemingly from the faucet the drops would fall,
but the drops only fell from the shadow on the wall.

The black drops falling down the wall,
Fell deep into the grass so tall,
How much like life, it really seems,
Shadowy drops falling in our dreams.

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